I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
