The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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