guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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