What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
