Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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