well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
