your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
