To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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