It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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