did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
