Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
