I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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