They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
