So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
