hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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