Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
