Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
