it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
