What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
