Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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