Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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