I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
