Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
