The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
