this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
