I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
