We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
