why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You need Xanax blowdarts
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
