I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
