i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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