planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
