you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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