Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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