Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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