I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
