alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
