Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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