I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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