I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
