I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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