I'm so fucking centered right now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
