So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
