i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
