i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
