i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
