True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How does one acquire holy water?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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