She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
