wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
