Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
