He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
