just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
